While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
