I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
