Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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