The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
