god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We're like a lot better than the average bears
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
