At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
