dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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