if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
