There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
