I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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