She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
