i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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