Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
