I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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