im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
