Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
