i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
