I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
