When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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