The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
