We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
