I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
