If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
tell me about the eggs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
