i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
