I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
