why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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