Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
