i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
