Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
