ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
