Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
