So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are the jesus of drinking
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize