I think I won the penis lottery.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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