i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
