i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
