Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
