I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
