just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
