I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
