I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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