so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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