My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sober January is a disaster.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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