my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
