went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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