I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
