I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
