its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
