I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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