Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
