You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
