come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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