so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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