My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
