I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
