We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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