just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize