I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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