Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
