You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do vagina's smell?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
