I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
