So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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