Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize