whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
