If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
