The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
