So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
