Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you didnt know i had herpes?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
