I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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