I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
