I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
