He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
