Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
