If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
