you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
