Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize