It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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