i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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