i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize