Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wear drunk well.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
