apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
