"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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