I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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