She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
