worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
