I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
