Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
