Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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