his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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