He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
