at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
