First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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