God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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