Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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