fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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